Btukfyl

The world is full of grinches. Party-poopers who simply insist on taking the fun away from everybody else. They'll do everything they can to stop Santa from delivering his gifts — and too many of them work in militaries across the world.

What's amazing is that Santa is a really nice guy! He doesn't want to hurt anybody, but he has a job to do! And NORAD going out of their way to tell everybody where Santa is every second of the trip doesn't help.

Santa has access to his world-renowned workshop, but all he has in transit is his sled. It has a near infinite carrying capacity — but it is just a sled (with exposed reindeer... Dang...).

Question:  What can Santa do to defend himself from the world militaries of 2018?

• Remember, all you have to work with is the sleigh and eight (OK, nine) reindeer. Santa can't send his elves to invade Somalia to nullify their military — or their pirates.




• Santa won't hurt anyone, so whatever defenses you come up with must preserve human life.




• Santa, the sleigh, and all the reindeer must survive the day.




• Our grinches may want Santa dead, but their children probably don't. That means Santa is required to stop at every military base. He can't save his can by avoiding launch sites, ifyouknowwhatImean.

Counterintelligence and stealth technology.

It is well established that Santa has to travel at the speed of fantasy to be able to deliver all the gifts in time around the world. The only way to catch him is using air force and radar.

First of all his sledge is built with the latest stealth technology, which most of the radar cannot track. But the guys of NORAD have the technology to follow their own stealth planes, so something more is needed.

His chubby appearance is a clever disguise for a secret anti radar technology, well hidden under the red coat, which offsets the radar echo tricking the NORAD into giving a false position.

And just as additional measure, he makes sure to deliver the gifts first to the party-poopers, so that while they are busy unwrapping he can visit the rest of the area.

Santa is the last active user of the SR71 defence mechanism, he's just too fast.

A quick and dirty calculation of how many deliveries he has to make in a single night, and the distance he has to travel to make those deliveries, suggests that he's moving far faster than anyone is able to intercept.

We might be able to track him, NORAD may know exactly where he is, but they've got nothing actually able to hit him.

What NORAD detects is a drone bogey to keep them occupied, while he uses a more discreet method of travel.

And for that matter, the sleigh doesn't have infinite capacity, the sack does.

Santa is protected by mutual insured destruction, the same force which arguably protected us during our nuclear infancy.

It works like this...

Santa is the only reason why children even attempt to stay off the naughty list.

Without that incentive, those little rug rats would be completely uncontrollable.

Destruction doesn't even begin to describe what they would do if anyone took out Saint Nick.

Think about this, as parents, you are the source of every disciplinary scolding and every bottom swat that your children have ever received. ...and they know where you keep the butcher knives.

NORAD doesn't admit it, but they send up a wing of fighter jets to escort and protect the sleigh while it is over US Protected airspace. Most of the other countries do the same, and CIA drones cover those countries which lack the good sense to put up their own defense.

Santa doesn't have to worry about protection because the rest of us grown-ups worry for him. That is why parents always look so weary on Christmas morning. They've been up all night wishing...

Merry Christmas To All and To Nick A Safe Flight!

Shame

Ever wondered why Santa Claus goes "ho ho ho"? Turns out it means exactly what you think it means. Santa keeps an additional naughty list of unfaithful married couples, especially those high in the political ladder and the military chain of command. One wrong move and the whole world gets to find out how much of a ho-ho-ho you or your spouse has been